I have depression. Probably anxiety too.
I haven’t been out of the house of my own volition for days now; I figured today, in contrast to yesterday where I spent probably ~20 hours in bed, I would force myself to step out the door. To do literally anything. It’s not like I’ve allocated the time to anything else of importance, and there’s potentially something to gain. I’ve noticed in the past that the simple act of getting out of the house can add a notch of positivity to my day and give me some energy.
As with many days, I started off with the intention of getting up around 10AM; instead, I kept hitting snooze and eventually got up by 1PM.
Took another hour or two of mucking around to get me to the point of feeling ready to step out the door.
Figured I’d go to this new library I had heard good things about from one friend, which is located in a seemingly decent area, and try to ‘work’ there (i.e. simply answer some emails or messages on Facebook). When I got there I noticed the outside of it looked nice and promising; when I stepped inside I noted the lack of a stale smell that is pretty apparent in some libraries in, let’s say, poorer neighborhoods. When I got inside there were less spaces to work than I anticipated, and a healthy amount of traffic through the whole vicinity….nowhere looked like a comfortable place for me to work and get stuff done. Plan thwarted.
Thought briefly about going straight back home, but opted to consider some other options. Noticed a McDonald’s across the street and recalled I hadn’t had any of their coffee in a long time – hey, they seem to have free wifi, let’s try that out as a spot. Turns out they have a promotion for $1 on all their coffee drinks for a couple weeks, so that was a nice bonus. Spent less than I would have at Second Cup (my second choice…no pun intended), that’s for sure.
Despite the decent decor and physical shape of the place, I start to tune into the vibe of the place. There’s some….non-threatening but sketchy characters here. Verdict? Would not work here again. If I ever went back to a McDonald’s to spend time in, I’d have to choose a a McDonald’s in a distinctly upper class neighborhood.
Hah, and now I’m considering how far I’ve really fallen. From a girl that used to have so much structure to her days/have multiple things on her agenda per day, to someone who feels aimless with nothing to do but hangout alone in a McDonald’s.
What the point of writing all that out was, I don’t really know. I guess this is just an attempt to leave some sort of mark/record of my sorry self during this time, so that way maybe someday I can look back at this and feel thankful for the better place I’ve gotten to.
The end. I’m out.