I’m sitting here right now in a Second Cup (Canadian coffee chain) just feeling dumpy and frustrated with myself.
The intention today was to come here and work on my blog (revamping the look, writing a more informative “About Me” section, planning out some blog posts etc.) but instead I’ve spent the last few hours feeling overwhelmed and distracted. When I consider the aforementioned and all the other things I intended to do this long weekend I just think:
Why have I failed to really make any headway the past 3+ days?
Why does the thought of attacking those to-do items seem so daunting?
Why does my brain fog wax and wane so much, so unpredictably?
Why do I feel okay one day, then completely useless the next?
Why are my emotions so hard to control?
How did my life come to this point of feeling stuck in a mid-20s rut, constantly concerned about the state of my health and so uncertain about how to turn my life around?
I’m trying to avoid just sitting here having a pity party about myself but maybe that’s all this really is-a pity party. I don’t know. Part of me feels that writing this out and publishing it is just pathetic and a waste of time, but the part of me that I think is going to win out is the one that just wants to express myself and vent, in the hopes that doing this might lessen the “productivity paralysis” I feel right now. I just want this feeling to leave so that way I can salvage something from the dwindling hours of this long weekend.
Oh mental illness, you’re fun. *eyeroll*