Overwhelmed on the last day of the long weekend

I’m sitting here right now in a Second Cup (Canadian coffee chain) just feeling dumpy and frustrated with myself.

The intention today was to come here and work on my blog (revamping the look, writing a more informative “About Me” section, planning out some blog posts etc.) but instead I’ve spent the last few hours feeling overwhelmed and distracted. When I consider the aforementioned and all the other things I intended to do this long weekend I just think:

Why have I failed to really make any headway the past 3+ days?

Why does the thought of attacking those to-do items seem so daunting?

Why does my brain fog wax and wane so much, so unpredictably?

Why do I feel okay one day, then completely useless the next?

Why are my emotions so hard to control?

How did my life come to this point of feeling stuck in a mid-20s rut, constantly concerned about the state of my health and so uncertain about how to turn my life around?

I’m trying to avoid just sitting here having a pity party about myself but maybe that’s all this really is-a pity party. I don’t know. Part of me feels that writing this out and publishing it is just pathetic and a waste of time, but the part of me that I think is going to win out is the one that just wants to express myself and vent, in the hopes that doing this might lessen the “productivity paralysis” I feel right now. I just want this feeling to leave so that way I can salvage something from the dwindling hours of this long weekend.

Oh mental illness, you’re fun. *eyeroll*

Clouds

7 Comments

  1. May 23, 2017 / 1:41 pm

    I totally understand how you feel. I promise you, it’s not a waste of time or a pity party. You’re not pathetic at all. I know, though, that depression convinces our minds that we are. It’s so hard to overcome. I don’t know if this helps at all, but sometimes what helps me is just doing something for me, even if it seems selfish. So like…spending some one-on-one time with me, watching a show/movie, reading a book, etc. Or eating something decedent that I shouldn’t (my food allergies attack me later for it, but oh well, haha). Just know that you’re not alone. Your words comfort me in the sense of knowing that I’m not also alone. And know that if you ever need to talk to anyone or just need to vent, I’m always here to listen!

    • May 24, 2017 / 6:01 pm

      You are so so so sweet, thank you for your words <3 your suggestion is a sound one, it's a bit of a catch-22 though where you also feel a bit selfish, as you mentioned. It's a serious struggle sometimes not to be so hard on one's self… reading your words helped me to get out of my head though, so thank you for that. You're certainly not alone either!

  2. May 25, 2017 / 12:14 pm

    Yes, you are not alone! I’m glad I found your blog. I recently started blogging (feel free to check it out) and find that venting in a safe place that you control is very cathartic. I also struggle with anxiety and depression and some days you do just need to have a bit of pity party!

    • May 25, 2017 / 3:29 pm

      Hey Susan thanks for stopping by! I agree that blogging has been a healthy part of the journey so far. I checked your blog out; I followed and look forward to reading more from you 🙂

  3. Mymusings36
    May 8, 2018 / 12:18 am

    Your so right. I hear you.

    • wherearemypillows
      Author
      May 10, 2018 / 1:23 pm

      Thanks for checking out my blog. I hope you’re having a wonderful week!

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